Week 9: The Fear of the Lord

God really challenged me during Wednesday morning worship; through a word he gave Richard. In Matthew 17 Jesus asks his disciples who the world says he is. They reply with prophets, a demon possessed man, etc, then Jesus turns to Peter. “Peter, who do you say I am?” I really felt like God was asking me who he is. I had to confess that I don’t know him as well as I thought, or as well as I lead others to believe I do. A line in the song we were singing caught my ear. “And I would give the world to tell your story, cause I know that you’ve called me.” And I was really challenged again, do I really know God’s story? Do I know him myself, or do I just know him through what other people have told me? Can I tell someone about my Fear of the Lord, or just our speaker's Fear of the Lord? Then it hit me hard that I’m leaving in three weeks, thinking I have the answer to a need that everyone have. And I do to a certain extent, but I’m kidding myself if I think I’ve got all the answers. A desperation came over me to know my God more, the God I pray to everyday, and the God I sing songs of praises too. It was an uncomfortable morning, but it was a revelation from Him, he is bringing me closer to his heart.
I had a great day with God on Friday. During lecture on the conversation of my heart, and how those conversations can be sinful, I had a revelation other than realizing how ugly my thoughts can be. I’ve always been such a task oriented person, and I’ve been in ministry with such task oriented person that I’ve never really considered that God can be proud of me when I’m not doing anything. He can be excited over my thoughts, and not just my actions. The other part of this is that because I’ve spent so much time listening for the applause of men, I haven’t had ears to hear the applause of my Father. My relationship with him is suffering because I haven’t been able to hear half of what he’s saying to me, the kind and loving words that I’ve always desired to hear. That evening I got a card from my mom that had pictures of my sisters wedding in it. I couldn’t wait to show people, but I decided to show them to God first and get his approval. I took my pictures to the park and showed them to God. He totally talked to me! He told me I was so beautiful, he told me that he wanted me to know that on the day but I didn’t listen. I thought, that was such a great day, I love thinking about that day. He said that he remembers that day too, and he thought it was a great and really fun day too! It was the most reassurance I’ve ever felt. When I finally did show my pictures to my friends, they made a big deal about them, but it still didn’t compare to the words of my Father. I’m trying to position myself more to hear the simple affirmation from heaven.